31 Nights of Halloween Horror part 15: Slaughter High
31 Nights of Halloween Horror: Part 15 in a 31 part series.
A horror film reviewed, every night for the month of October. Tonight we’re talking about:
Slaughter High | Dir. George Dugdale, Mark Ezra, Peter Litten | 1986/UK | 90 mins.
Are you still with me?
We made it to the halfway point of the month and barreled through 14 movies, tonight is the 15th. Only 16 more to go until we reach the end. Don’t quit on me now. Think of tonight as kind of an intermission, you will definitely be checking your brain at the door as we take a look at tonight’s movie. Consider it a breather, a chance to rest up before we jump right back into things. Go to the bathroom, get a drink (or several). Tonight’s halfway to Halloween feature is Slaughter High.
Slaughter High encompasses everything I hate about slasher films, but hey some people love them and who am I to judge, I like plenty of Eurotrash films I’m sure no one else can see the value in. I am not going to ridicule this film with the why and logistics of things, but I am going to ruin the ending for you, which really isn’t ruining anything because this movie was only made for one reason and that was to have a massive body count.
Poor poor Marty.
So a group of teenagers, 8-10 I honestly don’t know how many there are, because they all look and act the same. They all end up bullying poor Marty, the school nerd. It’s April Fool’s Day and they set Marty up to think he is going to get lucky in the girl’s shower room with Caroline Munro, who was 36 at the time of filming yet somehow we were supposed to believe she was playing a teen. Uh yeah, No, nice try Caroline. I can’t figure out what she agreed to do this film, she should never have had to sink this low in her career.
Anyway, once inside a stall, the bullies open the curtain to reveal a naked Marty as they prod, film him, and dunk his head in the toilet. The coach catches them and as punishment, they all have to stay after in the gym and work out. But they are not done with Marty yet, while he is in the science lab they mess with his concoction and it explodes engulfing the room in flames. The blast knocks a bottle of nitric acid onto Marty’s face, disfiguring him.
Poor Marty is taken away in an ambulance scarred for life.
Fast forward 5 – 10 years, I honestly don’t know because I don’t think they ever said, but each of those kids gets an invitation to a class reunion at their old school.
In what I found to be the weirdest part of the film, they actually tried to do some character development with Caroline Munro showing what she turned into after graduating, which seemed to be a successful nude model. It adds nothing to the story and is very out of place. They either did that for padding the time or figuring they had Caroline Munro, give her more screen time.
They got what was coming to them.
So anyway all those bullies arrive at the school for their class reunion, all pretty much looking the same as they did in high school. No one has aged. The school has been closed down and boarded up. But when the lightning crackles and it looks like rain, they all make their way in. Once inside they run into the old janitor who is now the caretaker, but he lets them wander around inside because they give him a bottle of beer.
In one of the rooms, they find it to be decorated with a welcome back sign or something and tables with food and beverages on them. No one really questions why they are the only ones there as they begin to indulge themselves. Finally something starts to happen in this pointless shit show of a movie, reminding you that you are in fact watching a horror film.
One of the guys drinks a contaminated beer making his stomach bubble from inside. For what ever reason he decides to tear his stomach open, I’d guess from the sheer pain. All right, pretty cool I think to myself as I see some guts start to spill out then guts and blood sprays all around. Meh, ok not as gory as I hoped, but this was only the first death, there would still be plenty more to come.
The group freaks and they all run out of the room and head for the exit except for one chick who gets some blood on her. She decides to go take a bath in the school to wash the blood off. However, the bath starts to pour out acid instead of water melting her flesh off. Yes, that really happened.
You wouldn’t believe what happens next.
Meanwhile, the rest of these goofballs are trying to get out but the doors are locked and the windows are electrified, blocking their escape. One guy kicks his way out and Caroline Munro gives him her keys and says, “take my car it always starts on the first time.” Guess what happens. Yes, that is the kind of dialogue we are dealing with in this movie.
Eventually, they find out they are being stalked by someone in a jester mask, oh did I forget to mention that one of the bullies was wearing that when they were terrorizing Marty? I guess they needed the killer to have a mask and all the good ones were taken. Why a mask? We know it’s Marty, everyone else knows it’s Marty, but he continues to wear the mask throughout the movie. Anyway, the rest of this catastrophe is a cat and mouse game as Marty chases whoever is left around the school killing them in creative ways. Whether it be death by lawn mower, drowning in a muddy hole, electrified bed while having sex, because you know, slasher movie. People have to have sex while they are in the middle of being stalked by a deranged killer.
And now the spoiler ending, skip this paragraph if you don’t want to know. It was all a dream. Marty is in the hospital after the accident and dreamt the whole thing up. Which normally would piss me off so much I would take the disc out and use it to scoop cat poop out of the litter box with, but in this case, the story and events were so ludicrous, being that they were a dream kind of explained them a little better.
Halfway to Halloween.
So there you have it, Slaughter High. Took three guys to write and direct this turd. They barely went on to make any other films thankfully, though they are all responsible for The Living Doll, which was a much better more surreal film than this. Filmed in the UK but supposedly taking place in the US, the actors try and do American accents and come across like they are all from New York or something. I get this movie was supposed to be fun and it’s all about killing people in interesting ways, but I just don’t understand it, didn’t get it.
Here we are, the halfway mark. Tonight’s feature gives you a rest, but get ready because tomorrow we are back on track with a 70s supernatural flick from the UK as we come into the home stretch for Halloween.
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