Home Categories Internet The End of the World is Nigh (relatively speaking.)
The End of the World is Nigh (relatively speaking.)

The End of the World is Nigh (relatively speaking.)


While many consider the election results “the end of the world” there’s a far more permanent apocalypse coming according to legendary scientist Stephen Hawking.

The other day ModCon02 shared with us some of the most cinematic end-of-the-world scenarios – but now we’re facing a real one. But don’t start squirreling away canned goods quite yet – ‘imminent’ in this instance means within the next thousand years or so.

“We face a number of threats to our survival from nuclear war, catastrophic global warming, and genetically engineered viruses,” Hawking said during a speech to the Oxford University Union today. “The number is likely to increase in the future, with the development of new technologies, and new ways things can go wrong. Although the chance of a disaster to planet Earth in a given year may be quite low, it adds up over time.”

Fortunately, all is not lost – although that doesn’t give us free rein to guzzle gas and throw our bottles into the regular trash for the time being. By the era of our great-great-great-great-great grandkids, a solution might have been discovered way beyond our own horizon.

“We must continue to go into space for the future of humanity,” Hawking explained. “I don’t think we will survive another 1000 without escaping beyond our fragile planet. We have spread out into space, and to other stars, so a disaster on Earth would not mean the end of the human race.”

But Hawking does warn that we maybe shouldn’t fuck around in the short term, since “we will not establish self-sustaining colonies in space for at least the next hundred years, so we have to be very careful in this period.”

That means we might need to consider keeping the president’s finger off the ‘launch’ button, and stop fucking up the environment with carbon emissions, fracking, and bee-exterminating GMO farming.

Although if that sounds like a lot of work (which, lets face it, to us Americans it seems to be) we can just continue whistling past the graveyard and hope that Matt Damon-style potato farming on Mars is a viable plan for the future.


Militant Ginger Born and raised in the cathedral city of Winchester, Roland earned his Eurotrash merit badge in Paris before moving to America to seek his fortune. If you've seen it, please give him a shout, because he's still looking. A digital Don Draper with a Hemingway complex, Roland pays the bills with his social media savvy, but under various nom de plumes is a top-ranked Amazon author after hours, and is impatiently awaiting the day he can give up the rat race forever and write schlock in a cabin in the mountains.